At Sunday service it’s not uncommon to hear the reverend say “What’s alive in you?” and then specific members of the community say what is alive in them….gratitude, peace, calm, serenity…. There’s no right or wrong answer. You just say what you are feeling.
Yesterday, we did the same thing and the man in front of me turned and asked “What’s alive in you?” Holding back the tears, I said “fear.” Let me explain.
I mentioned in December that there was a “mysterious” man who came forward and said that he’s interested in little man. Turns out he’s little man’s uncle. We had a failed meeting in early January and I was told that he was no longer going to get visits. With most things in the system, plans change on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. After a few attempts at trying to reschedule (the uncle has very specific times when he can have visits), we met the uncle on Wednesday night. And, as expected because little man is amazing, the uncle fell in love with him.
So why the response of “fear”? Because I’m terrified of losing little man. I was told on Friday that the uncle will be getting more visits (although he hasn’t been approved to even start the approval process to get little man…makes no sense to me) and now that he has met little man, I’m sure he’s going to do all that he can to get him. Nothing is confirmed and there’s still a lot of work that the uncle has to do to get approved. But reality set in this weekend.
In 20 days I will have had little man for 1 year and I can’t imagine my life without him. Heck, my family, friends, and neighbors can’t imagine life without him. I’m scared of the small possibility of what may happen, but I’m not going to let that stop me. I will continue to love him, laugh with him, watch him grow, learn, and make amazing memories. There’s still a big future ahead for us.
I’ve asked before and I will continue to ask until little man is with us forever, please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Little man is at home here.