Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

“Good morning. I am Maeve and I’ve been coming to CSL for about 5 ½ years. This week of Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for so much.

Over the last few weeks we’ve heard…

“Stories are powerful because they change our lives. Separate fact from fiction.” – Gregg Levoy

“Yes…and” and “Waves of uncertainty” – Reverend Rasheryl

These three key points feel like they have summarized my last 7 years. That’s when I started the adoption process. I wasn’t where I thought I would be in my life. Figured that I’d be married with 6 little boys (a basketball team was my dream) by that point but Mr. Prince Charming never showed up on his white horse, so I decided that I would adopt as a single female.

When I started the adoption process I did lots of research into the different agencies yet nothing could prepare me for what was to come. The private adoption agency I signed on with made a devastating turn 1 year into my process. It filed for bankruptcy and left hundreds of families throughout the U.S. without a lot of money and without a child they desperately dreamed of.  It was back to square 1 and I decided to work with an adoption consultant. Within a few months, I had matched with an expectant mom in Florida, I flew out to meet her, and was at the ultrasound. But, there was lots that was wrong with the match and it eventually failed. (that’s a whole different story!) Knowing how unsettled I was with it and the recent IAC bankruptcy, my friend Kelsey, told me about CSL SJ and told me to come to a Sunday service.

The next few years proved to be challenging with three adoption unmatches, two after birth, and one after I was in the hospital in Cleveland to pick up the little boy. It was at that point that I had to think about what I really wanted and was the journey worth it. The answer was yes, I wanted to be a mom, and my Irish stubbornness was not going to let me quit. I said “Yes…and” and I continued to ride the wave of uncertainty.

In 2018 I signed up to be a Foster mom through the County of Santa Clara and did all the required trainings, home visits, and interviews. I quickly got an emergency placement of two little brothers who needed a home to stay in while “things” got settled. They stayed with me for three weeks.

A week and a half later, my dad unexpectedly passed away. Following my mom’s lead, we realized that it was a blessing that he went so quickly. Just 27 hours prior to his leaving us, he had been told he had cancer. A few months before that he had been told that he had very early Alzheimers. We were lucky we didn’t have to witness either in full effect and we were lucky he didn’t have to suffer. We chose to look at the positive side and be thankful for the 80 years he was on this earth, the amazing last year he had, and that we got to celebrate Christmas together. The day of his funeral, we all wore bright blue. We wrote our own story.

Six weeks later I was heading to meet a friend on the Peninsula and I got a call about a 2 day old little boy who needed to be picked up immediately at the hospital.

After meeting up with my friend, I called my mom to let her know that I was going to pick up a baby and she said “I know. Social services called here and told me about the baby and were looking for you.” Sidenote, not once had social services called my parents’ house. To this day, I have no idea why they called mom’s house except for one reason…it was my dad’s doing.

A week later I brought the little baby to his first CSL service and it just happened to be the service for foster children where we leave teddy bears out on the chairs.

3 ½ years later, Giovanni officially and legally became a Naughton on July 7 of this past summer. Coincidentally, yesterday was national adoption day.

Throughout this process two things have kept coming up for me that I firmly believe CSL helped instill in me. 1) Garth Brook’s song “Unanswered Prayers.” The chorus goes…

“Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”

Enough said.

“And the second thing I learned from CSL… by changing my thinking, I can change my life. I could have spent the last 7 years pissing and moaning but instead I had to and chose to flip the switch or as Revered Rasheryl said last week…”shift happens!”. By reframing my thinking, I can reframe my situation. Instead of “I have to get Gio dinner” I change it to “I get to get Gio dinner” and from there it changes to “I am blessed to get Gio dinner because…all the negatives over the last 7 years didn’t break me, I have a child, I have food, I have a home to feed him in…” Change “have to” to “get to” to “blessed to…because…” Change your thinking, change your life.”