Have To…Get To…Blessed To…


It’s 4:32am and little man is crying. He’s teething and although this week is better than last week, he’s still hurting. I wait a few minutes to see if he’ll go back to bed and he doesn’t so I crawl out of my bed and head to his room. When I open his door, he’s sitting in his crib and looking up at me with a sad face while chewing on his entire hand. The poor little guy!

As I sit rocking him in the dark of the early morning, he starts to calm down and sucks his thumb. He puts his head on my shoulder and nuzzles in. He’s relaxed and happy. Every now and then he pops his head up from my shoulder to point out the curtain or the light. He is peaceful…I am peaceful…we are peaceful.

Over the last few weeks the world has been spun upside down. Our normals are now thrown out the window and there has been little peace. We are being stretched to our limits, we are tired, we are anxious, we are done. We want our “lives” back. Yet, despite this, at almost 5am in the morning I am sitting in a dark room, rocking little man back to sleep, and I am at peace. And at that point, I realize why I am at peace.

January of 2017 I attended a four day seminar in LA and on the last day we did an exercise that I have taken with me and do on a regular basis. I don’t remember the proper name but I call it “Have to…Get to…Blessed to.”

The purpose of the exercise is to re-frame your thinking and boy does it! Here is how it works. Say to your self “Today I have to…” Now change that to “Today I get to…” and then change that to “Today I am blessed to…because…”.

Let me give you an example.

“Ugh! It’s 4:32am and I have to get up because the baby is crying.”

“It’s 4:32am and I get to get up because the baby is crying.”

“It’s 4:32am and I am blessed to get up because the baby is crying. I am blessed because…

  • he is healthy
  • I am healthy
  • I am physically able to get out of bed
  • I have a bed to get out of
  • he is growing as he’s supposed to
  • I have an amazing little boy in my house that I’ve been raising for 13 months

This re-framing hit me hard the other day. I am blessed because I have an amazing little boy in my house, but reminding myself of this, I was also reminded of what bio mom doesn’t have. She doesn’t have memories of rocking him to sleep in the middle of the night when he wakes up crying. She’s never heard him talk to himself as he’s going to sleep or when he wakes up. She’s never given him a shampoo mohawk during bath time. She’s never heard him say “da” when he sees a dog during a walk. All that I currently have, she does not. And although some days it’s difficult, I have this amazing little man in my house that I have the privilege of raising. I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

Although the current world situation may not be ideal, I challenge you to stop and rephrase something today and see if it helps when you’re at your limit. We will get through this and despite what it currently feels like, we are blessed.

I am blessed!

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