Target Parking Lot

I wrote this blog on June 1, 2019 when little man was 2 1/2 months old. I was reluctant to post it then in case of retaliation. I found the draft last night. This is the hard truth about the foster system that people don’t know or talk about.

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I’m sitting in the Target parking lot because foster baby is in a visit with his mom. I don’t notice people walking by but I can hear the beeps of cars locking and unlocking. My mind is in a haze and I’ve been nauseous since the early hours of the morning. The tears pouring down my face are fortunately being hidden by my sunglasses. 

The last 36 hours have been hell. For the second time in 2 1/2 months, the foster system has opened up a child abuse investigation against me. For the second time, the agency hasn’t consulted doctors before opening up the case. For the second time, doctors have completely cleared me – the first “issue” is one that the doctors say happened at birth by doctors and nurses during delivery and before I was even involved. The second one is a birthmark. 

Social services doesn’t seem to care what doctors say. Despite doctors clearing me and saying no abuse is involved, the social services agencies continue with their investigations. They send social workers to my house, unannounced, to drill me with questions with no consideration that the baby in my arms is tired, hungry, and sick. I barely have the baby moved from his car seat to my arms before the harassment starts in my driveway. In the first case, they came to my house at 5:30pm on a Friday night when I had people over for dinner. They “had” to talk to me then.

There is never a “I’m sorry.” “You did everything right.” “We know there was no harm done by you.”  None of that. Instead there’s “You have a beautiful home” and they recite perfectly memorized lines about policies and procedures. I keep being told “this is to protect you!” I’m sorry. How is opening a child abuse case against me, protecting me especially when the doctor has cleared it and I was the one who told the social worker that I was bringing the little boy to the doctor to get the mark looked at. No! This isn’t to protect me or the baby. It’s to protect the agency. 

I agree that due diligence needs to be done to protect children and God knows the process to become a foster parent is involved. My issue is that agencies don’t consult doctors prior to dramatic decisions.  It’s sad for the children and all the ones I was hoping to love, nurture, and protect in the future. The system is losing a willing parent.

I’ve tried to have a positive attitude about private adoption and foster adoption for the last almost 4 years. It is been hard, but I think I’ve done a fairly good job. But shit, this is too much! This is wrong! Plus foster parents should not be treated like criminals when they have done nothing wrong.

At this point, the only thing that is keeping me from quitting is the beautiful little baby that I have with me now.

A week after being harassed by the investigation social worker, our social worker, the one that reported me, casually mentioned that the mom’s other child has the same birth mark and it’s a very common birth mark for darker skinned babies and it’ll go away at some point. No sorry, no apologetic tone, just flat statement of fact as if she were saying “pass the milk”.

Social services is always talking about the need for more foster parents. Somehow they don’t put together treating foster parents like criminals after they’ve been cleared and a lack of foster parents as being tied together. They expect foster parents to be available and open to anyone knocking on the door at any time to let them in. Yet, when a foster parent needs help, there’s no phone, email or text communication after 5. And when you do get hold of them the next business day, you’re told “Calm down and do what you’re told!” (Honest to God, verbatim for what I was told.)